On Winter to Spring, and Faith vs Fear

A little life update is due, I think, for those of you who are curious about my new London adventures.

I have so much to thank God for and I hardly know where to begin.

The beginning is normally a good place, so let’s rewind a few months and I’ll tell you about finding a place to live.

I started seriously looking to move at the beginning of December, and the process took about two months. Two months isn’t that long, really, but it felt like quite a while as I was becoming so tired from commuting to work, and so longing to have some semblance of a social life again.

I looked in several areas, and several times I got my hopes up and was then disappointed.

After keeping my options broad for a while but not making much progress, I really sought God about where I should live and felt I should be somewhere in South London. So I narrowed my search accordingly.

Eventually, I found a place that I really liked. I’d only met the girl who was moving out, not the girl I’d be sharing with, so she told me to rearrange and come back for a second viewing.

I left feeling good, but as I was on my way home, the Lord said to me: “Will you trust me if this isn’t it?”

A little surprised, I told the Lord I would.

Honestly by this point I just wanted the search to be over, as I was having to travel across London after work for the viewings and then still travel home afterwards.

The second viewing for this place came and I met the girl I would be sharing with, who for some reason I immediately disliked. (That probably sounds harsh, but that’s just how it was).

I left this time certain that I no longer wanted the place.

The next day I rearranged a viewing I’d originally cancelled. I went to view the house at the end of the week, after the absolute worst day at work I’d ever had (it may or may not have included crying in public and I’ll just leave it there).

About a week later, I moved into that house, paying cheaper rent than anywhere I’d seen, in a nicer area.

Good story, right?

Predictably, it doesn’t end there.

One day a few months ago an old university friend shared a Facebook link about his church – a Vineyard church, which is the same umbrella of churches we both attended in Canterbury.

Of course when I started looking for places to live, I also started looking into potential churches. During my lifetime I have been to several churches, of different denominations and sizes. I have found value in each one, but this time I strongly felt I wanted to be in a Vineyard church again, as their core values, for lack of a better term, are most closely aligned to where my heart lies.

There are plenty of Vineyard churches in London, but the little church my friend had shared on his Facebook page – a recent plant from a larger church elsewhere – stood out to me for some reason. I had thought it would be nice if it happened to be within a reasonable distance from my new area.

You can guess the conclusion to this story. My new home is within walking distance of both this church and my new house group.

For London, that’s kind of unheard of.

Since visiting this church I have been overjoyed to find new family – who truly demonstrate Jesus to one another and to the community. They are servant-hearted, full of joy and seek to model the radical and risky lifestyle we are called to.

After I’d lived in my new home for about three weeks, I finally got a chance to have a proper chat with my housemate, the other lodger in our family house-share.

I knew she was a Christian, but I had met several Christians whilst looking for accommodation through a Christian house-hunting website, without once feeling as though we’d strike up a close friendship, or that I might be able to have ~deep Jesus chats~ (haha) with them.

This girl and I, though, quickly discovered a lot of common ground, and since she’d been considering moving churches, I got to introduce her to mine, which was a mutual joy for both of us, I think.

I hope this long explanation didn’t bore you too much – it’s hard to convey (succintly) in words how clearly the Lord has led me here, and how He has provided me with more than I had asked for or imagined. A few posts back I shared the promise God had spoken to me at the start of the year, from Isaiah 43:19 – about freshness, a ‘winter’ season ending and new things springing up. I am seeing this so clearly at the moment.

In doing all this, of course, the Lord has larger purposes than simply wanting me to feel happy and at home (although, He is a good Father, so He does want that too).

There are things for me to do here, for the duration of time I am called to stay, and the great thing about surrounding yourself with risky people is that it’s a little bit easier to step out of the boat.

(Cue another explanation as without the context it’s harder to appreciate):

Almost three years ago I visited a friends’ church for the first time, and a lady gave me a spot-on word of knowledge. At the time, I’d been really excited about the supernatural (particularly healing the sick) and had felt convicted that this was not something I could just conveniently ignore. The lady prophesied over me that all the things I had seen, read about, heard about – were things that I would see personally. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe it would happen beforehand, but to have someone confirm it through a word of knowledge increases faith, I think.

Frankly, I did conveniently ignore it for the next three years, on and off, because I wasn’t sure where to start. But I never let go of what was spoken over me, because on the subject of supernatural ministry, the Bible tells me it is to be so for those that believe.

Recently I’ve felt I can’t continue to ignore this… and that’s how last weekend I joined my church’s Healing on the Streets team, on a freezing Saturday outside Sainsbury’s, really having no clue what I was doing.

I am an introvert, if that hasn’t come across already, and the idea of stopping strangers asking them if they need prayer is a little bit uncomfortable. That’s why the Holy Spirit is called the Comforter, I guess 😉

It was actually a joy in the end to be able to chat with people, to pray with them and tell them about the love of Jesus. Amazing to know that through my imperfect explanations and prayers, God is pleased to plant and water seeds in people’s hearts. I prayed with one teenage girl who was just sad, with some hard stuff going on. She was really touched and I think after that moment, I was sold.

So, it’s a start. It’s funny too because over the past week, the Lord has highlighted two particular things to me over and over again – Bible verses following me around, YouTube videos in my subscriptions, church sermons… etc. Those two things are faith and fear of man.

I believe fear of man is the biggest crippler in the Church, whether it involves speaking the truth of God’s Word, or stepping out and looking foolish for the Lord. I know that unless I get over my own fear I will never live in the fullness of who God created me to be.

This applies to my fear of how I’m perceived by other Christians, even. Not everyone will be on board with me on some of the things I am talking about. But my life is the only one I will have to give account for.

Fear of man and desire for approval ultimately lead to inaction, keeping the body of Christ mute and powerless, useless for the Kingdom. In fact, as as side-note, I would even suggest that this powerlessness ultimately results in Christians directing an excess of negativity and criticism at one another, in place of bearing fruit.

I don’t know if anyone reading this is in a similar position. I only know that the fear vs. faith thing is a major theme in my own life of late, and I wanted to encourage you that it’s worth the risk to step out.

The Lord has been gracious to me and has provided so that I don’t have to go it alone – and so will He do the same for you.

OK, that’s all. This is getting too long 🙂

Love to you all!

2 thoughts on “On Winter to Spring, and Faith vs Fear

  1. Sounds like things are looking up and that’s great! I just moved a few states west without a job or anything and my family in tote because God is challenging me to live out the life he has for me. Crazy, but also exciting. Not as instantly gratifying as yours, but we’re not giving up hope.

    • Sorry for getting back to you late – was away for a few days. Thanks! And wow that’s a big move for sure. May God bless you throughout that process (even the parts that must feel sucky).

Tell me what you think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s