I’ve noticed a general decline in discussing big, contentious issues on my blog and a move toward the more personal. I guess it’s because I write on big issues every single day at work, but here remains a space of self-expression; room to expand, digress, exclaim, ponder.
Writing on my blog is, for me, a return to simplicity in a world of (over?)complication. It stops me from going slightly insane as daily I face the realities of disobedience in the Church, international persecution, Planned Parenthood and Ofsted trying to inspect Sunday schools (heh). Frankly it gets overwhelming. I swim in a bottomless sea of information.
All I want is that everyone who reads my blog comes away feeling encouraged, not daunted.
So I write what I write without apology. If you’re looking to read criticism you’ll find endless resources out there. If you’re looking for theology, that too abounds in books and online. I should know because reading Christian comment is part of my job.
Anyway, these days I’m very aware of my need for rest.
I’m in an interesting place in life right now that is proving to have some pointed highs and lows; I am seeing abundant encouragement but simultaneously some pretty full-on challenges.
I have seen the provision and blessing of my God in so many ways and been encouraged by promises He has spoken over me, for my near-and-distant future. I’m excited as I grow in discovering the ways and heart of Jesus in fuller measure.
I just moved to South London (that’s a good story all by itself), found a church, and have had heart convictions echoed and confirmed by others. God is at work.
But my head spins a lot these days as, if no longer physically, I am still mentally and spiritually stretched. I sometimes feel like I’m on a treadmill and I struggle to maintain pace.
I grapple with questions and seeds of doubt that spring from the field in which I work.
Yet in the midst of this constant tension between blessing and trial, rock-solid faith and wavering doubt, God keeps reminding me that His goodness cannot be overstated. His goodness overshadows doubt, circumstance and fear.
The enemy always attacks at the place of your destiny, someone said at an event the other week. Indeed some days I think it would be easy to walk around with a cloud of cynicism and negativity. It would be easy to feel inadequate, or to become disillusioned and burnt out.
To become consumed by ‘doing’ is not what the Lord designed us for.
I am desperately aware of my need for the oasis of His presence. So I choose to be still and know that He is God. I strive to enter His rest so that I do not have to strive outside of it.
Those God-and-I moments are Life. (“For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light” Psalm 36:9). I am a child again, holding onto Daddy’s hand as we walk along the beach. I am just me, perfectly loved and enough.
I can’t seem to move on from the theme of God’s manifest Presence but really, what is of greater importance? It is the source of all joy and strength. In that rest is all I need to see everything else with clarity; to arise undaunted over and over again.
Maybe you also feel like you’re stuck on a treadmill. Maybe you are all too familiar with a spinning head.
There is rest to be had – seek that rest above all other striving.