You may have read my post last month, ‘Break my heart for what breaks yours’.
Last time I used the line (borrowed from a worship song) with reference to wider issues that I’m involved with through my workplace. I talked about how God was breaking my heart over abortion and all sorts of other things.
But God didn’t stop there.
I am exhausted and, honestly, pretty weak at the moment, as I still struggle to get to grips with the commuter life. I don’t remember the last time I wasn’t tired. So I’m leaning on Him because otherwise I just can’t do this. Being exhausted, and work in general, has pushed me to seek God’s face more than ever, finding truth in His word, finding strength in His presence and the resolve to stand firm in the face of opposition and questioning.
Sometimes I feel His tangible presence. Sometimes I don’t feel anything. It doesn’t matter. He never left, and He’s glad I showed up.
In making His presence a priority in my life, something is shifting in my heart (or re-shifting – I recognise this feeling from two, three years ago, back when I really fell in love with Jesus the first time). My heart just gets moved for people around me. It’s not just the big social issues; it’s individual people, and God is breaking my heart with His love and His goodness every day. In things that may seem inconsequential to you.
He did it through the hug of a young man who, I believe, has Down’s Syndrome, after we spent some hours rallying with him and others outside the Royal Courts of Justice.
He did it through an employee at the Courts who asked me about the protest, and poured out her heart to me about how doctors were neglecting her husband who had suffered two strokes.
He did it through the older man I see most days on the bus, who said to me today after a good discussion about euthanasia (after I explained my work to him and yesterday’s rally): “You know, I’m glad I met you. Because I can talk to you. And you won’t belittle me”.
The best part is, it’s nothing to do with me. It’s all Him.
My prayer is simple: that people will see Christ in me and want Him. Jesus is so beautiful, and in getting more of His heart I also get His eyes to see people the way He sees them. Through this, I am learning more of what it means to be His disciple than any book will ever teach me; than a ‘head knowledge’ of the Word will ever give me. Any knowledge or intellect or understanding of my own is worthless without relationship. If I knew my Bible back to front but never stopped for the one, what good would that be?
Thank you Lord for the simplicity of the gospel.
It really is that simple. Holy Spirit wants to touch people and all I am doing is learning to say ‘yes I’m in’. I’m excited to see more.
And yes, I’m tired and maybe that makes me over-emotional. But you know, if that’s what it takes to keep me dependent on Him and able to be moved by the things that move Him, I will gladly commute for as long as I need to. If this is what it takes to keep my heart soft and intimacy with God my priority, so be it.
So I’m thankful. God is good.