It’s definitely been some time since I last posted anything. The last month or so has been a little crazy, but finally I’ve had some room to wind down. Not that I haven’t written anything; actually I’ve written quite a lot. Including 2 essays, a few pages of revision notes, and some hastily scribbled exercises while sat in a London office. But even in my spare moments, even when I had any mental energy, I wanted to write a blog post and nothing would come. Any half-formed notions quickly escaped my grasp; other ideas were born of – to be quite honest – resentment, and that’s not what I wanted this blog to be about.
Maybe that’s how life is sometimes, this inability to grasp situations. At least, it’s been a bit like that for me. For months now, one of my biggest questions to God has been the all-too-familiar ‘why?’. Why have my family been experiencing so many trials recently? Why do I find it so hard to let things go? Why did this person hurt me? Why is that person suffering so terribly?
Although it probably sounds that way, I wasn’t angry or bitter towards God. It’s just, when the answers don’t come when I demand them, it’s easy to slip into doubt and fear. Psalm 27:14 says ‘Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.’ I’ve discovered that’s much easier said than done.